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THE IMPACT OF MY HEALING IS GENERATIONAL

Writer's picture: Lana JelenjevLana Jelenjev

Three silhouettes walk hand-in-hand toward mountains, set against a pastel landscape with trees and birds, creating a serene mood.


Yesterday, I started the 6 months of Satir Transformational Systemic Therapy Level 1 training. For those following my work, you will know that I often refer to Virginia Satir’s work, especially with the Satir Change Model and the Personal Iceberg Model. I find her teachings relatable and congruent with my worldviews. She was a visionary and extremelyahead of her time with her principles and practices. It was also through Satir that I reconnected to remembering the “wholeness” inside me and inside of each one of us.


I am fortunate to be part of this training and excited to explore and witness what I will learn from seasoned practitioners. I somehow have this image of Virginia Satir as this powerful matriarch that I can tune into for counsel, more like a “what would Virginia Satir do and say in this situation?” part in me that can give guidance and reassurance. Her work is about the Human Validation Process Model emphasizing the importance of validating individuals’ experiences, emotions, and perspectives within the family system. Her beliefs and practices on genuine validation as essential for healthy communication and relationships are groundbreaking and advanced at her time!

“I believe the greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen by them, heard by them, to be understood and touched by them.” - Virginia Satir.

In one of the discussions, our trainer, TRICIA ANTONIUK mentioned a line that instantly and deeply connected with me. It was “THE IMPACT OF MY HEALING IS GENERATIONAL.”


I then remembered Resmaa Menakem’s words:

“Trauma decontextualized in a person looks like personality. Trauma decontextualized in a family looks like family traits. Trauma decontextualized in people looks like culture.”

Yet the same is true about healing.


Healing integrated into a person looks like personality. Healing integrated into a family looks like family traits. Healing integrated into people looks like culture.


These simple yet profound words stirred me to write my wishes and intentions as to why I advocate for healing-centered responses, especially in my parenting. I wish for my kids to learn different ways to respond to adversities and change in ways that reconnect them to their agency and their fullness of being.


Infographic titled "Healing-Centered Responses" with five sections: Stop, Soften, Flock, Flow, Surrender. Each features colorful symbols.
Healing-centered responses

Here are the words that flowed out so quickly after hearing that line…(an updated version)


The Impact of My Healing Is Generational 

What I would like my kids to learn and experience 
That in moments of tension, they saw me stopped
Stopped and breathed 
Stopped and recalibrated 
Stopped and reconnected to my deepest values

What I would like my kids to learn and experience 
That in moments of frustration, they saw me softened 
That I leaned into tenderness
That I shared my truths
That I showed vulnerability 

What I would like my kids to learn and experience 
That in moments of adversity, I flocked 
That I resourced myself to community
That I asked for help 
That I allowed my people to support me 

What I would like my kids to learn and experience 
That in moments of vitality, I flowed 
That I used my energy to do great work
That I created and transformed ideas to action 
That I contributed with my time, my presence, my strengths 

What I would like my kids to learn and experience 
That in times of dire need, I surrendered 
That I learned to let go of control 
That I held on to faith and sublime providence
That I showed them I lived in grace, in trust, in gratitude 

What I would like my kids to learn and experience 
That in dark moments of our lives we are resourced 
That we have bounty in us and outside of us 
That we are cradled in love 
That we are held by a vast life force so deep and wide 

The impact of my healing is generational 
As I model how I navigate through life 
I showed them not how I froze
Or how I fight, or flee, or fawned
Nor how I flopped
Rather I showed them
How I stopped 
How I softened
How I flocked 
How I flowed
How I surrendered 

And may these be the ways they learn to navigate life 
Coming from a place of agency 
From a place of abundance 
From a place of fullness 
From deep connection to possibilities 
From reverence to life and flourishing 
Not only of one’s self but in kapwa
In spirit of our shared humanity. 

- January 17, 2025 19:46 pm (revised January 18, 2025 6:50am)


 

Dear Readers,


How is this for you to read? I have deep curiosity on what stirs up inside of you in thinking about how our traumas and our healing impacts generations. May this give you hope.


Hiraya manawari,

Lana


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